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Self Acceptance Why do some people submit to pleasures that bring so much pain and depression? In this essay, I am going to illustrate how and why those suffering from the condition of addiction deny themselves the opportunity to enjoy life on life's terms. I am going to expose some of my personal experiences, which contained so many unwanted feelings and occurrences. As a young kid, I was bright and eloquent in school. I was very studious and practical. Most of all, I really loved myself and others. At that time, whenever I had to deal with unwanted feelings, my first and last reaction was to cry. However, as time went by, I started to hold onto a lot of resentments. I hated the fact that I was poor. I hated my curly hair and my complexion, and I didn't have the slightest clue as to why I was feeling this way. My first instant gratification came from stealing ice cream from the neighborhood store. Then, I learned to tell lies. Consequently, as I reached my teens, I started to run with other delinquents and together we engaged in vandalism. I was finally expelled from school, got in trouble with the law, and was sent to The Warwick Training School for Boys. During this time, I was angry at the world and myself. I was so full of so much hatred. Upon coming home from the reformatory, I became an easy target. One thing I'll always remember is the same question I asked about any given drug: "Does it feel good?" I guess I didn't feel so good about myself and was very lonely most of the time. While still attending junior high, I began to drink and smoke marijuana to please the crowd and then, myself. This behavior went on for several years, until I got tired of it, because I wasn't getting quality product. Then, one day, I came across a new "get high." This illicit substance was nothing more than a white powder. The first time I tried it, it made me sick. I turned pale and regurgitated, went home and went to sleep. When I woke up, I felt this euphoric feeling, not knowing the price my life was going to pay for it. In less than three days, I was hooked on heroin. I didn't really know what was happening to my body. One day, I had tremors, body aches and nausea. I went to see an older addict and explained my symptoms to him. He looked at me calmly and said, "Boy, you need a fix." The language was foreign to me. He continued to say that I was "sick." This was the beginning of my darkest nightmares. For thirty-one years, this became my story. Heroin killed my soul, inspiration and dreams. Misfortunes do happen in our daily lives. It takes integrity and great courage for one to admit willingly that one is powerless against the grip of addiction. I will no longer dwell in the past, for the power is in the present, and tomorrow, this day shall become the past. Today I am my own best role model and I am learning to love myself once again, as well as others. Can you identify? Today, I know who I am, where I stand and what my ancestors have contributed to civilization. A well-spoken fallacy can deceive us easily. So watch out for Satan. He comes in many different disguises to blind us to the truth. God has shown me the way in the rooms of Narcotics Anonymous. Today I am highly grateful that such a program exists for the wretched people of the Earth, for this is a disease affecting the whole globe, especially the third-world. The defiant kingpins of the underworld continue to drain the blood of our people. Addicts have no idea what they are putting in their bodies. These substances are synthetic toxins created by inexperienced chemists. Take a good look at people who have just come out of a detox program. There is no glow in the texture of their bodies. Perhaps this is because the deadly toxins have over-exhausted them. One of the worst storms that has ever come through the United States has been the crack epidemic. Boy! Satan keeps coming up with some powerful weapons! But gradually, he is losing the war. Being a "crack head" or "dope fiend" is becoming unacceptable in our communities. I mean, this kind of behavior can cause somebody's mother, sister, aunt, cousin or wife to go out and become a courtesan! Wake up and smell the coffee! I have seen too many "Big Willies" in the penitentiary with a considerable amount of time on their hands. When are we going to take ownership of our negative actions? Which reminds me. See you later. Got to go make a meeting. All it takes is one day at a time. Ciao . . . -- Julio Adorno, Jr. |
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